Character Approach to Building Trust through Communication

In our July blog we talked about the importance of having One-to-One conversations with each of your direct reports.

Of course, this is the right thing to do, but the challenge is when something is said that surprises you, or you disagree with, or is just not true. How you react reveals a great deal about you. This is a moment of truth. It is the moment when people are going to decide if it is safe to open up to you. A moment when your character will be revealed.

In the previous blog you had access to a listening model called Listen-Acknowledge-Ask©. Let’s talk about how to really apply this active listening model.
Sometimes it’s hard to listen. You have to be in a time and a place where you can focus on what the person is saying rather than being distracted by technology, other people around you, etc etera. This is why it is so important to schedule One-on-One meetings that are dedicated to communicating about how they work rather than the content of their work. These are two separate issues. Schedule a time and place where you can talk confidentially, privately and without interruption.

The next step is really hearing what the person is saying.
Not just the message in terms of words, but the deeper message in terms of emotion. What is driving what they are saying?

Take your time. Slow down. One subject at a time. Ask open-ended questions like;
• Tell me more about that, or
• Where did you get the information?, or
• Is there something you want me to hear that I don’t understand right now?

Repeat back what you hear in terms of the message. “This is what I think you are saying…” Ask the person for confirmation. If you are corrected – good. You are communicating.

Empathy can create a very important bridge between what the person is saying and where you, and they, want to go. Empathy might be conveyed by saying;
• That sounds like a really important subject for you, or
• I hear that you are angry over this (or disappointed or delighted or frustrated)

If you are corrected, again, that is good. Hearing takes work!

You connect with the person by understanding what they’re saying in terms of the message and acknowledging the emotion you are observing.

The last part is to ask. Where do you (or they) need to go from here. Potential questions;
• What do you think is the next step? or
• How can we be sure we are working with the same information? or
• What can we do to be sure we are on the same page? and
• Now that we are on the same page, what is the solution?

People will open up to you if they trust you. Trust is created (or damaged), in every touch point. Your gestures, facial expression, pace and tone of voice must be supportive, open and objective. Be curious – you just never know.

The information they reveal must be handled very carefully. Never sharing anything the person would consider confidential (unless it is harmful to themselves or others). Never use this information in any way that would decrease the person’s trust in you.

Being able to truly hear in the difficult moments demonstrates your good character.

Things for leaders to think about.
• Do I really want to hear what my direct reports think/have to say?
• Do I care if my people trust me?
• Is it worth my time to ask my direct reports (and my own boss and peers) for 30 minutes every two or three weeks to build a trusting relationship?
• What is the best way to document these conversations? (Ideally, the direct report documents, and you have access to, the summary of what was discussed, if appropriate).

My 4th book Communicating in a Character Culture focuses on healthy, effective One-on-One conversations. I am pleased to send a complimentary copy of the book to the first three people who respond and comment on this blog.

Upcoming blogs

Next month the blog will focus on dealing with people who undermine you.

Kindly pass this blog on to others who may find it useful.

Much appreciated,

Kathleen Redmond MA, MCC
kr@centreforcharacterleadership.com
905.478.7962

If we can be of any help, please don’t hesitate to reach out at my email above.

Visit our website