The Case
A client wrote that they work with an untrustworthy peer. Promises aren’t kept, the person is demeaning, etc. Their leader doesn’t deal with the situation and in the past when the client tried to provide feedback directly, they were rudely ignored. Our client offers this as an issue to be dealt with in a “Character Approach manner – how to work effectively with this person?
The Character Approach
Intention – What he wants to happen
The intention of this client is to continue working with the person, as he chooses to stay in this job. Hopefully, he finds a way to improve the relationship and one way or another, get the job done as effectively as possible. He also wants to be able to deal with the situation without evoking an emotional reaction on his own part.
Thoughts – What he thinks about the situation
The client suspects that any attempt to communicate directly about past issues will be met with disdain and will be unproductive. He believes the best approach is to find a way to move forward.
Feelings – What he feels about the situation
The client feels like he walks on eggshells around his person as he is fearful of a negative outcome. He is uncomfortable with the lack of civility and collaboration. “Feeling” questions for him to consider are “what is reasonable to expect of other people?”, “how do you deal with the other people in your life who are untrustworthy?” and “ideally, how would you like to feel/behave when you are confronted with people who behave in an untrustworthy fashion?”
Behaviours – What he is choosing to do
Working together when trust is lacking can be challenging, but not impossible. By establishing clear goals and expectations, communicating openly and honestly, focusing on common ground, and addressing conflicts directly, people can often work together effectively, even when trust is not strong. It takes skill and commitment, but can be worth the effort. Continuing without making changes is not in his best interest.
- Establish clear goals and expectations. It is a reasonable step to clarify the goals and expectations of each as they work together.
Putting it into Words. “As colleagues, we need to agree on what we want to achieve and how we will measure our progress. What are the main objectives and deliverables for our work/project? What are the roles and responsibilities of each of us? How will we communicate and coordinate our work? What is the best approach if an issue arises?”
- Communicate openly and honestly Continue to create an agreement for how they work together.
Putting it into Words. “If you have any information, questions, or feedback that might affect our work, please share it with the me. This is what I require to be effective. If you have any issues or challenges that you need help with, please let me know. I’m ready and willing to support you and ask the same from you.”
- Focus on common ground Trust may be lacking in a team because there is a lack of rapport or connection between the people. They may have different backgrounds, personalities, or styles, which can create differences or clashes. To avoid this, it is important to focus on common ground, finding areas of agreement, similarity, or interest. This can help build empathy and respect in the team and foster a positive and collaborative team culture. Also think about having the same conversation with other colleagues to create a consistent work style.
Putting it into Words. “What are some of the things that we have in common, such as values, interests, or goals? How can we leverage our diverse strengths, perspectives, and experiences to enhance our work? How can we celebrate our successes and learn from our mistakes as colleagues?”
- Apply your listening and empathy skills. In previous blogs we talked about Listen-Acknowledgement-Ask©, as well as SNIP© (Stop, Notice, Inquire, Plan). These skills will come be useful in these conversations.
Putting It Into Words.
- Follow up and Documentation. After the conversation consider sending an email (or whatever form of documentation is appropriate) to outline your agreement and establish a date to review progress.
Conclusion: Navigating such scenarios requires patience, empathy, and a commitment to open communication. The character approach provides a structured, assertive way to address this challenge, promoting a healthier, more respectful work environment. It requires effort to work with people who have different values and styles that yourself, but it is often required. Hopefully this approach will be useful to you.
Call to Action: Have you faced similar situations? How did you handle them?
Please send us other situations for a future blog at my email below.
Kathleen Redmond MA, MCC
kr@centreforcharacterleadership.com
905.478.7962
Visit our website
Centre for Character Leadership | 1111 Davis Drive, 1-174, Newmarket, L3Y 7V1 Canada
Unsubscribe kareneaddison@gmail.com
Update Profile | Constant Contact Data Notice
Sent by kr@centreforcharacterleadership.com