This year we have been soliciting workplace challenges and responding with a Character Intelligence Approach. The specific situations and suggestions of actual words (Putting it into Words) is being well received, so this format will continue for the months to come. Thank you for your interest.
The Case: You’re facing a situation where a colleague (your peer) frequently makes critical comments or accusatory statements in passing, often leaving no time/room for a meaningful dialogue. You are often embarrassed and surprised by the comments and can’t think of a good response when this happens. It feels like a “hit and run.” Despite your attempts to initiate a conversation to understand and address any issues, your colleague dismisses your concerns as petty or labels you as overly sensitive.
The Character Approach:
Intention: Your goal is to establish a respectful, open line of communication with your colleague, ensuring that any issues are addressed constructively and without personal attacks.
Thoughts: Reflect on the situation as objectively as possible. Consider the reasons behind your colleague’s behaviour. Could there be underlying issues influencing their actions?
Feelings: Acknowledge your own emotions. Feeling targeted or misunderstood is natural. Recognize these emotions, but also consider how this situation might be affecting your colleague’s emotional state. You have previously observed that is very uncomfortable openly discussing situations where he has some responsibility. He appears quick to blame others.
Behaviours: Here’s how you might approach the situation:
- Seek a Private Conversation: Despite past refusals, request a private meeting with your colleague. Emphasize the importance of mutual understanding and respect in the workplace.
- Prepare and Listen: Enter the conversation prepared to listen as much as you speak. Express your concerns calmly and encourage your colleague to share their perspective. Apply SNIP© (see link) as you listen to his perspective.
- Use Empathetic Communication: Practice empathy. Acknowledge your colleague’s feelings and viewpoints, even if you disagree. This can help in understanding the root of their behaviour. Apply Listen-Acknowledge-Ask© (see link).
Putting it into Words. “I promise to take the least amount of time possible for this conversation. My hope is that we find a way to support each other be as successful as possible, in a way that works for both of us? May I please have your help with this?”
- Establish Mutual Expectations: Aim to establish clear, mutual expectations for future interactions. Agree to address issues directly and respectfully. If the individual will not constructively problem solve with you, let him know you will ask your leader for advice on how to proceed. Do ask your leader for their counsel on how to deal with the situation.
Putting it into Words. “I want to be clear regarding what works for me. If there is another situation where I feel unfairly criticized or put down, I will let you know on the spot. What can I expect from you?”
- Follow-up and Documentation: After the conversation, send a polite email summarizing the discussion and agreed actions and/or next steps. This ensures clarity and accountability.
Conclusion: Navigating such scenarios requires patience, empathy, and a commitment to open communication. The character approach provides a structured, assertive way to address this challenge, promoting a healthier, more respectful work environment.
Call to Action: Have you faced similar situations? How did you handle them?
Please send us other situations for a future blog at my email below.
Kathleen Redmond MA, MCC
kr@centreforcharacterleadership.com
905.478.7962
Visit our website