Happy New Year.

2024 is off to a rollicking start and it appears good character, collaboration and healthy cultures continues to be a point of focus.

This year the blog will be a little different.
There have been many requests for the actual wording in different situations. Clients often say – I know what I want to say, but can’t find the words to say it.

In response to these requests, let’s take a case per month and explore, from a character point of view (Intention, thoughts, feelings, behaviours) the words and actions that are reasonable and potentially appropriate for you.

January case – What to do when a peer is maligning your reputation?

The case
Your leader was promoted. You and a peer applied for their position. You, although younger and with less tenure, were promoted. The fellow applicant has been saying negative things about you to other team members. The team members have been telling you confidentially about the negative comments. You are not sure what to do.

The Character Approach – Dealing with issues with a courageous, considered response

Intention – Responding vs reacting
· What do you want to achieve in this situation?
· What would be the best possible outcome for you?
· How have you seen other similar situations successfully handled?

Thoughts – What is going through your mind?
· How does this person treat you?
· What assumptions are you making about their motivation?
· How can you deal with the issue without revealing what has been told to you in confidence?

Feelings – How to handle emotion – yours and the other persons?
· What is your emotional reaction when you hear what you are being told? (I know from my clients and indeed in my own life, this type of situation can take you aback. It might be useful for you to make notes about the situation as you work through it. Ideally the next time something like this happens, you will feel more prepared.)
· What are your feelings about dealing with this situation?
· What do you fear might be the reaction if you confront the issue directly?
· What do you think is happening emotionally to the other person?

Behaviours – What you actually say and do to deal with the situation

An option is to speak to the person directly. Ask for a private meeting with the person and ensure you are prepared to listen as well as speak. The focus is on what will be different in the future. The past is over and there is no point bringing up what happened.

The tools of Listen-Acknowledge, Ask©, and SNIP© are referenced in these links.

Behaviour – Putting It Into Words

Thank you for making the time for this conversation which is very important to me. I know that we both applied for this job and I am wondering what it is like for you at this point?

Listen. Use empathy (Listen – Acknowledge – Ask©) as appropriate.

I need to be sure of your support. If you see an opportunity to either recognize what I am doing well or if I can be more effective, please bring the issue to my attention. And only discuss the issue with me. How does my request land with you?

If the person asks if you have heard something from others, tell the truth. E.g.

Yes, and what I think is fair, rather than believe second hand information, is to bring issues directly to you. What is important is how we treat each other. I will certainly be honest and supportive of you with and am asking for the same from you. Do I have your commitment?

If the person commits to this behaviour, establish a follow-up date and send an email to them to summarize the meeting.

Final Thoughts
Of course, every circumstance is different, and you will do what is right for you, in the words you are comfortable with, and as fits the situation. The goal of this blog is to offer a structured approach and a pathway for consideration. Whatever path you take, you will learn more about yourself and your character.

Please feel free to send your comments or other cases to consider at my email below.

Best wishes,

Kathleen Redmond MA, MCC
kr@centreforcharacterleadership.com
905.478.7962

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